Tactics for Temper Tantrums (part 8)
Concession
Sometimes nothing works. And sometimes for reasons of sheer equality or common sense or both, the parent finds it necessary to concede. After all, we’re not our childlren’s adversaries; we’re their advocates. Sometimes, both interests are seerved by giving in. Giving in to a tantrum now and then will not foster a juvenile delinquent. Is the damage done by one extra cookie worth half an hour of wear and tear on both of you? Have you been unreasonable in the first place, demanding too much and thus contributing to the scene?
Sometimes a parent realizes soon after making a request of stating a vehement “No, you can’t!” that the request is unreasonable or the desired compliance goes beyond a fair expectation for this child. Now comes the dilemma. Should I stick to my guns, and make the point that when I say something, I mean it even if I now realize that what I have asked is dumb? Am I going to give in eventually anyway? The key is timing. If you know that sooner or later you are going to relent, then relent now. The more time that passes in the tandtrum scene, the more reinforcement the child receives for the idea that persistence does pay off. The child may perceive that there are rewards to the one who can lhold out the longest.
Most parents feel that if they give their instincts a chance, they can sense the times when it is best to give in, just as they can sense the times when they must maintain control.