welcome image

Wouldn't it be nice if children would simply listen and learn.

Criticism is not a motivator.

The challenge of adolescence is to balance the right of the parents to feel they are in charge with the need of the adolescent to gain independence.

Some hope their children will be like sponges soaking up the truth and wisdom imparted by their parents. However appealing this philosophy might be, it seldom seems to catch on with their children.

"Unexpressed feeling never die. They are buried alive and come back later in ugly ways." (Stephen Covey)

Children today are under enormous pressures rarely experienced by their parents or grandparents. Many of today's children are being enticed to grow up too quickly and are encountering challenges for which they are totally unprepared.

Don't wait for him to turn 10 before you reveal that you are not in fact the hired help whose job it is to clean up after him.

The mistake that Sharon and I both made is we never set any boundaries.  (Ozzy Osbourne)

Relationships matter:  change comes through forming trusting relationships. People, not programs change people.

Being a parent of a teenager can cure a person of narcissism.

Learn more.

Lying – Part 2

 
LYING & TRUST
 
a) Children and teens lie a lot
                  details about        – where they’re going
                                                      – what they’re doing
                                                      – who they’re with
                                                      – doing things forbidden them
                                                      – sometimes they continue to lie even when caught and the facts are undeniable
                                                      – they may become enraged when not believed
                                                      “YOU DON’T TRUST ME !”
 
If trustworthiness of our children and teens is the foundation of integrity in our society, we are in big trouble !
 
(incidentally you parents were not so trustworthy either as children and teens and most of us turned out not all bad)
 
 
 
b) lying is bad – but it is a normal response when children are:
                  1) covering up a wrong
                  2) manipulating a situation in order to advance their cause- their “sliminess” is deplorable – but it
                  is normal (you did it too!)
 
c) parents getting caught up in the issue of lying become a snare, leading to long conflicts that go nowhere good. The lies take precedence over the problem at hand. DO NOT FOCUS ON THE LYING and lose sight of the more immediate and usually more important issue.
 
d) Lying as a child or teen is not an especially reliable indicator of whether or not the child is or will                                        become an honest person.
 
e) what can a parent do when their child is lying:
                  1) keep perspective          – it does not mean he’s on his way to a life of crime
                                                                        – it does not denote a moral crisis
                  2) we should always confront them with their deceit when they are caught
                  3) we must communicate our outrage
                  4) you can impose a consequence for the lie
 
 
IT IS A BIG MISTAKE TO FEEL THAT LYING DESTROYS A SACRED TRUST- TRUSTING YOUR CHILD OR TEEN IS NICE, BUT IT IS A FOOL’S PARADISE.
__________________________________________________________________
 
 
TRUST SHOULD NOT BE A BLANKET ISSUE – EXPERIENCE WILL TEACH YOU THAT IT IS APPROPRIATE TO TRUST ABOUT SOME THINGS AND TO BE WARY ABOUT OTHERS.

Back to Top

Workshops

+ Behaviour Management (now available online)

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

Learn more

+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

Learn more

+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

Learn more

+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

Learn more

+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

Learn more

See more of our workshops


Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

Archive


Parents' Comments

“Our daughter was the joy of our life until she turned 13, then all hell broke loose. Rick helped us understand what was happening to her and we made some adjustments that helped us get through it. She’s now in University and doing well.”

(D.A. – St. Thomas)