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"Cutting" is a visible sign to the world that you are hurting.

It's more effective to reward your child for being "good" (appropriate) than to punish him for being "bad" (inappropriate).

If you (parents) tend to overreact to your child's misbehaviour - your child learns that he can't trust you. Mom, Dad, stay regulated!

Children mimic well. They catch what they see better than they follow what they hear.

It is what we say and do when we're angry that creates the very model our children will follow when dealing with their own frustrations.

Some hope their children will be like sponges soaking up the truth and wisdom imparted by their parents. However appealing this philosophy might be, it seldom seems to catch on with their children.

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. (Peggy O'Mara)

"Unexpressed feeling never die. They are buried alive and come back later in ugly ways." (Stephen Covey)

"The thing that impresses me most about North America is the way parents obey their children"    (King Edward VII , 1841-1910)

Many clinicians find it easier to tell parents their child has a brain-based disorder than suggest parenting changes. Jennifer Harris (psychiatrist)

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Types of Temper Tantrums

There are 2 types of tantrums:

  1. manipulative (child is trying to get his own way – conscious, planned, controlled)
  2. temperamental (child can’t help it – he is truly “out of control”)

Both types can look the same and one form can lead into another. A temperamental tantrum acquires a manipulative quality when the child comes to understand the value of what he’s is doing.

Guidelines to Help Distinguish the Two Types

  • the manipulative tantrum is typically less intense
  • the manipulative tantrum is clearly the result of the child not getting something he wants
  • the motive is obvious for manipulative tantrums – you don’t need to look very hard to find it
  • the temperament tantrum relates to an underlying temperamental issue
  • you typically feel sorry for a child having a temperamental tantrum because “he can’t help it”
  • a manipulative tantrum feels like he’s trying to get his own way

Next post – handling a “manipulative” tantrum.

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This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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A program for children with reading problems

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This workshop will present the facts, myths, misconceptions, controversy and […]

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