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"Parents aren't the cause of ADHD, but they are part of the solution." (Kenny Handleman, M.D.)

The challenge of adolescence is to balance the right of the parents to feel they are in charge with the need of the adolescent to gain independence.

Adolescence can be the cruelest place on earth. It can really be heartless.  ( Tori Amos)

Being a parent of a teenager can cure a person of narcissism.

If you are headed in the wrong direction as a parent - you are allowed to make a U-turn.

Hurt people hurt people.

Some hope their children will be like sponges soaking up the truth and wisdom imparted by their parents. However appealing this philosophy might be, it seldom seems to catch on with their children.

If it  was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called "labour".

"The thing that impresses me most about North America is the way parents obey their children"    (King Edward VII , 1841-1910)

The best inheritance  parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.

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Homework Hassles (part 2)

 

 

There are 2 kinds of homework resistors and each requires a different response:

  1. the work is too hard for the child
  2. the child views the work as irrelevant, not important or boring

1) If the work is too hard, the child has been placed in an impossible position and his homework resistance will continue and probably escalate. The teacher needs to ensure the work is not beyond the child’s ability and the parent may need to provide the child with organizational help, time management skills, help with understanding the assignment or tutorial help.

2) If the child has the ability to do the work but is resisting because he views it as irrelevant, not important or boring, the parents need to take a different approach. They should arrange a meeting between the teacher, child and parents to clarify each person’s responsibilities. The child needs a very clear message that his job is to take care of his end. If he says it’s boring, your response could be, “Maybe you’re right, but it has to be done anyway” or “You don’t have to like it but you have to do it” or “Too bad, this is how the real world operates.” A homework book could be set up by the teacher informing the parent what needs to be done and the parent’s job is to encourage and facilitate the child’s effort. If the child continues to resist he MUST be held accountable with logical consequences such as loss of after school privileges (eg. TV, soccer, bike, computer, etc.) until the work is done. The parent should avoid all threats, lectures, yelling, reminders, anger, etc. and let the child suffer the consequences.

The pressure is now on the child to follow through on his/her responsibilities. When he fails to complete his job, simply impose the consequences with NO emotion.

Expect your child to test your resolve and do not anticipate a quick turn around. The key is a balanced system with the parents doing their part and only their part without taking responsibility away from the child or teacher. Once the system is set up, all the parent needs to do is follow through and let the system teach the lessons it is intended to teach.

Once again I am indebted to Robert MacKenzie the ideas in his book “Setting Limits in the Classroom”

Rick Harper has been providing help for families for over 40 years.

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management (now available online)

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ A Guided Tour of ADHD (now available online)

This workshop will present the facts, myths, misconceptions, controversy and […]

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See more of our workshops


Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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Parents' Comments

“We are foster parents who took in a 13 year old girl (going on 18!) and she ran us through the wringer. Rick helped us learn how to set limits that made the difference.”

(G.E. – Strathroy)