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Some hope their children will be like sponges soaking up the truth and wisdom imparted by their parents. However appealing this philosophy might be, it seldom seems to catch on with their children.

A tantruming toddler is a little ball of writhing muscle and incredible strength. It's like trying to carry a greased pig past a slop bucket.

The challenge of adolescence is to balance the right of the parents to feel they are in charge with the need of the adolescent to gain independence.

When a child is disregulated - is the time parents need to be regulated.

The teenage years require a delicate balance between the young person's need to gain independence, and the parent's need to retain authority.

Removing a child from a traumatic environment does not remove the trauma from the child's memory.

Being a parent of a teenager can cure a person of narcissism.

Children do not develop on their own - they only develop within relationships.

You cannot reason with someone who is being unreasonable.

If you (parents) tend to overreact to your child's misbehaviour - your child learns that he can't trust you. Mom, Dad, stay regulated!

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Where to begin looking for help

What options does a parent have when seeking help for their child’s behaviour problems?

Parents who ask for my help have usually experienced many of the following emotions:

  • frustration
  • misunderstood
  • confused
  • overwhelmed
  • exhausted
  • bewildered
  • angry
  • guilty
  • inadequate
  • isolated
  • vulnerable
  • trapped
  • embarrassed
  • helpless
  • hopeless

This is not a fun place for a parent to be and not a healthy place for a child to grow. I am not usually the first person that parents ask to help. In fact there are lots of people that offer advice on how to deal with behaviour problems. So many people with so many ideas, that it can be mind blogging just to know where to begin looking for help. Often times the help one expert suggests is completely contradictory to another equally qualified expert. How is a parent to know where to begin ?

I offer the following suggestion:

Listen to the advice from everyone you can and then filter it through your knowledge of your own child and your understanding of your own particular strengths and weaknesses. Discard the advice that does not line up with your family’s needs, values and abilities and consider the advise that makes sense to you.

What parents need most are ideas, so they can look at their options and decide what is best for their own child.

Rick Harper has been providing ideas to parents for over 40 years !

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management (now available online)

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ A Guided Tour of ADHD (now available online)

This workshop will present the facts, myths, misconceptions, controversy and […]

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See more of our workshops


Contact

2720 Rath Street, Putnam, Ontario
NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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Parents' Comments

“We are foster parents who took in a 13 year old girl (going on 18!) and she ran us through the wringer. Rick helped us learn how to set limits that made the difference.”

(G.E. – Strathroy)