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The teenage years require a delicate balance between the young person's need to gain independence, and the parent's need to retain authority.

We should not medicate the boys so they fit the school; we should change the school to fit the boy. (Leonard Sax, M.D. Ph.D)

"The thing that impresses me most about North America is the way parents obey their children"    (King Edward VII , 1841-1910)

"Unexpressed feeling never die. They are buried alive and come back later in ugly ways." (Stephen Covey)

Early intervention is always better than crisis management - but it is never too late to do the right thing.

"Parents aren't the cause of ADHD, but they are part of the solution." (Kenny Handleman, M.D.)

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. (Peggy O'Mara)

It's more effective to reward your child for being "good" (appropriate) than to punish him for being "bad" (inappropriate).

The more 2 parents differ in their approaches to discipline, the more likely it leads to trouble for the child.

Don't wait for him to turn 10 before you reveal that you are not in fact the hired help whose job it is to clean up after him.

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Tantrums (9 months to 18 months)

Temper tantrums should be expected to begin at this age. There will be a sudden explosion of tears and crying. He may throw himself to the ground, stiffen his body and clench his fist. You should attempt to determine the child’s “goal” for the tantrum. If his “goal” is reasonable (eg. hunger, boredom, discomfort, etc.) you should instruct the child in more appropriate methods by which he can achieve his goal and reinforce his future efforts to do as you have instructed. If his “goal” is unreasonable (eg. avoiding putting away his toys, attention seeking, etc.) you MUST ensure that your response does not reinforce the tantrum by “giving in”. “Giving in” will teach the child that he can control you in your home by having a tantrum. Attempt to teach the child a more appropriate way of dealing with the problem, but if it is obvious that this is not the “teachable moment”, hold off until later for your teaching time. The most effective response to unreasonable demands by a child of this age are “redirection”, “extinction”, and “wait out”. You should stay within eyesight of the child. If the tantrum was an attempt to avoid a task, ensure that the child follows through with the task once the tantrum has subsided.

Next post – dealing with tantrums from 18 months to 3 years

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Workshops

+ Behaviour Management (now available online)

This full day or 2 evening workshop will introduce you […]

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+ Lick Your Kids

  “Lick Your Kids” (figuratively not literally) (2 hours) First […]

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+ A Parent’s Guide to the Teenage Brain

  A teenager’s brain is not just an adult brain […]

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+ Reading Rescue

A program for children with reading problems

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+ Taming a Toddler

Many parents wonder what hit them when their sweet little baby turns into an unreasonable toddler – ideas for dealing with mealtime, bedtime, temper tanturms, toilet training, noncompliance, etc.

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NOL 2BO

Phone: (519) 485-4678
Fax: (519) 485-0281

Email: info@rickharper.ca

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